I Can See the Light: Faint, Tiny, Speck of a Light

Now that I have Reggie, I tend to revert all my thoughts and posts back to him. I want to say I am sorry but I'm not. As I sit here late at night, home alone with Reggie, I am tired. I am tired because I worked all day, came home and played with Reggie until it was time to put him to bed, and since then, I have been doing school. But it is okay that I am tired. It is okay, because the more I study, the sooner I will be done. When I think about finishing school this year, a little bit of stress is lifted off my shoulders. The more I think about finishing, the more I think about my free nights to be care free (not teenager carefree cause that doesn't exist anymore) but carefree in the sense that I can come home, cook dinner (or go buy dinner), play with Reggie, watch a TV show, workout, read a book and know that I do not have to study for a test or worry about a paper. I am ready for that. 

I am currently going to school at Western Governor's University and what a blessing it has been. Each semester is 6 months long and you have to take a minimum of 12CU's (most universities just call them credits). You pay your tuition for the semester and you have the full 6 months to get those 12 CU's done. The most incredible part though is that you can add additional classes to that same semester without paying a penny more. I have not been super successful in this because of all the things that have been going on in my life since I started with Western Governors last fall but since the new year, things are different. A fire started within me that has really got me going. I have one class left to complete my 12CU's for the semester which ends March 31st. Yeah, I should have had it done weeks ago but my first two classes were science and I loathe science. My performance assessment was cake so that was completed within the first two weeks of the semester. The objective assessment was the absolute hardest worst class ever. Every science possible was combined into this one class; earth science, biology, chemistry, physics, astronomy, geology etc. And yes, you had to know what things belonged with what, what was a joule, etc etc. Annoying to say the least. But I am done with science forever and I am FOREVER grateful. 

Just to sidetrack: a little bit about the performance and objective assessments; Each class is either a performance assessment or objective assessment. If the class is a performance assessment then it includes a project/paper of some sort. Most of them are just papers which could have just one task or five tasks for that class. You have as long as you want to get it done. You then submit those tasks(papers) and if they pass, then you are done with the class. Just like that. But if there is something wrong with the tasks, then the graders send it back and ask you to change what was wrong. You don't have to redo the paper, just change the mistakes. Once you have done so, you submit it again. If there are more errors, it gets sent back and you just keep fixing mistakes and submitting until you pass. There is no failing at WGU. The objective assessments are tests. If a class is an objective assessment class, then you just study your heart out, take the pre-assessment and if you pass, schedule the test. There are no weekly assignments, quizzes, tests…nothing. If you are ready, take the test. If you pass… you are done with the class. 

I have failed over half of my objective assessments but passed them the second time around. You have up to three free tries until you have to start paying. But, you go until you pass. If you keep failing, you get help from course mentors. People are there to help. They want you to gain a knowledge and not base your education off of just assignments, tests, passing and failing. They want you to pass and they want you to understand. 

My next class I have to complete for the end of the semester is an Econ class which is an objective assessment. I took the pre-assessment before starting the class to see what my knowledge was like before diving in head first. Yeah, I definitely need to study. While I have been studying and during slow times at work, I have been working ahead. I have another ECON class that is a performance assessment. I had to have my mentor add that class to my semester because I completed the four tasks which were four papers within three days. Three days! That means for the first time in three semesters, I will be getting more classes done then just the minimum. 

Right now, my brain is hurting from my Quantitative Analysis for Business tasks I am working on. (Sidenote: If anyone is good at probability, business statistics and all the gross stuff, let me know! I could use your help) Which is why I am now sitting here letting my fingers type and mind unwind. When I look up from my computer, I can see the baby monitor and Reggie's cute little face sleeping like an angel. He is my motivation to keep going. He is the reason why I want to finish this year instead of my projected 2016. The amazing part about this whole thing, WGU let's me do that. It is up to me and my dedication and commitment to finish. My brother-in-law worked graveyards, slept three to four hours a day, watched his three kids, detailed cars, and managed to finish I wanna say 92 CU's in one year. If he can do it, so can I! I have about nine classes left and I am starting to see a light. It's not a big light and actually a very tiny one at that, but I can see it. I can see it because my motivation has kicked into high gear. 

What an awesome opportunity we have to get an education to better ourselves, our future, our families etc. I am excited to finish. I am excited to be able to tell Reggie that I stuck with it. That I am the only one in my family that got their degree. I am excited to give all my school time that I spent, directly to my family. I am excited for tomorrow. 

New Year to Start Now

I would have to say that 2013 was the best year yet. Along with the challenges there brought great blessings.

Reggie has by far been the greatest joy and blessing to Jordan and I. It has made us learn more about each other, love each other more and appreciate the life that we have. Working full time, feeding my family, going to school, working out, and spending time with my family is not easy. But at the end of the day when I kiss my boys goodnight, I am indeed grateful for the life that I have been given. 

I am grateful for a husband who loves me even at my worst; which is a lot of the time it seems. I am also grateful for the father he is to Reggie. It is so fun seeing the changes in Reggie and the fact that he is getting to an age to play. The highlight in my day is seeing Jordan push Reggie around on his new motorcycle that Santa brought him.  There is so much joy on both of their faces that it is priceless. I am also grateful for the handy and talented man that Jordan is as well. We have a beautiful home that means the world to me for the fact that Jordan has put many hours of work into finishing our house. He was able to make our entertainment center downstairs, build shelves for the storage room, work bench in his garage and much more. Not to mention all the finish work he did to make the house complete.  

I am eternally grateful for the gift Heavenly Father sent us on May 14th. When I am burnt out with school and stressed to the max, I sit back and think of the joy that Reggie brings to my life. We could have waited to have kids so that I could finish school or travel the world but we chose this life. We chose to have a baby and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I couldn't imagine my life without Reggie in it.  He is 7 1/2 months old and so close to crawling. He is such a busy body and can never sit still. He doesn't like to miss out on anything so he has a hard time settling down or going to sleep when people are around. He jabbers a lot and says dada but we all know he doesn't know what that means. If he knew, he would be saying mama. Just kidding. He loves his dad very much. 

I am also grateful for my family. What a blessing they are to me as well. I have the best parents in the world who help me more than they know. I love that I can call out to them for any advice, humor or simply just love. They love watching Reggie and I love that about them. I love my brother and sister so much and wish many great blessings to them this year, they have been great friends to me and are always there. Which bring me to another blessing in my life. I am grateful for Lindsey. She has always been the one friend I can turn to and rely on. She is one of those true friends that are hard to find and I am glad I have her in my life. 

I am still working at Idaho Central and I am grateful for that. It has been such a great job for me and I love what I do. I have great co-workers and a great boss. Idaho Central is a great company to work for so it has been a blessing. As much as I would love to spend my days with Reggie, I am content with my job until the day comes to stay home. I like the fact that I contribute to the family and it boosts my self-esteem when I have good commission months. It drives me to be better at what I do. I am looking forward to what the future will hold. Focusing on one thing at a time, we will see what the future holds once I am finished with school. 

In 2014, may we all learn to let go of the past and live in the present. We can't change the things that have happened but we can learn from them.  Life is too short to hate those that have wronged you. We all witnessed tragedies in 2013 where loved ones left us too early. It's better to live our lives filled with love then to live our lives with hate and regret. Forgive, forget and live on. May our 2014 resolution be to show respect to everyone no matter who they are or what they've done. We have no idea what they are going through. 

Happy New Year!!

In With Good, Out With Bad

Governor C.L. “Butch” Otter issued the following statement today regarding the recent vandalism of Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints buildings in Chubbuck.

“Defiling or defacing houses of worship – of any faith or denomination – is an attack not just on religious beliefs or even our law, but also on our culture and our values. It disturbs the sanctuaries of our spiritual well-being. These are not merely the acts of misguided individuals. They speak to a more fundamental disregard for sacred places, social order and the freedoms that generations of Americans have sacrificed to protect.” 

Over the past couple of weeks we have witnessed one of the most incredible acts of kindness and yet one the most disrespectful acts. I have seen vandalism before but this time around, I was angry. I could not let go of the anger I had for the cowards that defaced and vandalized my church, my stake center and another stake center in the area.

I am angry for a few reasons. 1. I am angry because vandalizing property especially a place of worship is just wrong. It is wrong in the fact that this coward is either a member of the church and is angry for something he brought on himself or he is just someone who has been offended by someone who happens to be a member of the church. He is not just taking it out on one person, he has to take it out on the whole church. If he is a member of the church and he is angry with us for something WE did. When people are angry with the church, most of the time it is because they did something that resulted in discipline which could be something as lightly as repenting yourself or it could go as far as being excommunicated from the church. YOU make your own decisions and YOU decide the path that you will take. It is not the churches fault if you make wrong decisions that put you in a bad place. If this coward is not a member of the church and they are doing this people they have been offended, shame on you. You are letting one person determine your entire perspective on the Mormon church. 2. I am also angry because this puts on the wrong message to those who are not members. It makes them ask the questions "What did they really do to make this happen" or "Why would someone go this far"?

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has over 15,000,000 members of the church in the entire world. If you think about it, that's not THAT many compared to the 7 billion in the world. BUT, our religion is out there. We have over 80,000 missionaries, 141 temples, 4 universities/colleges and people know about us. They know that we judge and that is what we do. Anytime someone associates with a Mormon and are offended by something they say, all Mormons are bad because all we do is judge. What people don't understand is that everyone in the world whether they are Mormon, Luthern, Catholic, Atheist, etc. we all judge. Do we judge on purpose because we know you are not Mormon and that is what we want to do? No, I can guarantee anyone reading this cannot sit there and say they have never judged in their life. In fact, I judged the coward who defaced our church. I made assumptions as to why someone would be so angry to vandalize property. I judge because I am not perfect. No mormon is perfect. Our Prophet, Thomas S Monson, is not perfect. He may be close to the Lord but he too makes mistakes. We all make mistakes. It is unfortunate that people feel this way.

I grew up with the most amazing group of friends I could ever ask for. They were all such good examples to me and we had fun. We had fun when we were just being stupid. We had fun hanging out and doing nothing. Does the fact that we were mormon have an advantage? Maybe. But the thing about it is, not all of my friends are mormon. I would not have had it any other way either. These friends are GREAT people. They new how to have fun and they didn't let our religion play a role in our friendship. The thing that breaks my heart, we never forced or encouraged mormonism on these friends and once high school was over, I heard that they hated Mormons because they have been judged. How were you judged? Were you judged because you weren't a mormon or did someone judge you in another way? The common misconception is that we judge people because they aren't Mormon. I will be honest, there are Mormons who think they are perfect and do judge other because they are not perfect. Well Mormon or not, I too hate those who think they are perfect. I also think that Facebook and Instragram gets misinterpreted. People can post everything about their life and make it seem like they are just perfect and happy but deep down, it is not even close to that. They may have just posted a picture of their husband but the day before that, they were yelling at each other. Everything is just a misconception. We are read the wrong way and because of that, the Mormon religion and people are bad people.

It's just like the Provo "Mormon" doctor that was found guilty last week of murdering his wife a few years ago. The fact that he is a Mormon, the media of the case just escalated because we are supposed to be perfect. Well, I hate to tell you that there are bad people out there. It has nothing to do with their title or religion. It has everything to do with who they are as a person. You don't see newscasters putting Catholic at the beginning of a trial for someone killing their wife or because they are running for President. People judge us as Mormons because we are held to a higher standard.

One of our main focuses are about families. We are all about family and togetherness. Who doesn't want their family to be their main focus. Even if you have no interest in joining the church, do a little research of what we are about before you judge us. If you have been judged by someone who is a member of the church, don't assume the religion teaches us to be that way or that all mormons are that way because we aren't. Do we judge? Yes. Do we purposely judge nonmembers? No. If I have ever judge anyone in one way or another, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. It is never my intention to hurt someone or attack someone because of what they believe.

I will say this though, after having Reggie, I am grateful for eternal families. I love Jordan more than anything but now that I have Reggie, my whole perspective on life has changed. I want more than anything for Reggie to live a great life and for him to be happy. More than anything, I want to be with my family for eternity. I am grateful for the church and do have a testimony of it. I believe that Jesus Christ atoned for my sins. I also believe that our Heavenly Father loves every one of us no matter who we are and what we believe. As long as we can believe in Him and know that he wants nothing but happiness for us, nothing else matters. He wants us to return to him.

I love my friends and family and everyone I have had the chance to come in contact with...

That being said, I live in a great neighborhood. I wish so much I could have been apart of the light extravaganza last weekend but it has been awesome to see this go viral.

The Long family has four children. Their oldest is on a mission and their second oldest in in college. Their two younger boys are 15 and 10 I believe. They both have the disease called muscular dystrophy. This is a disease in which muscles damage easily and weaken which eventually confines one to a wheelchair. Those with this disease also have trouble breathing and swallowing as well. Konner, the 15-year-old, asked his dad if they could have Christmas lights this year. They had the lights do to it but before they could, the neighborhood banded together to deck their house out in Christmas lights. Watch the video below.

We had our primary program last week. Those children just have sweet little spirits and to listen to the shout the primary songs, just brought a warm feeling to my heart. The younger Long boy, Jaxson, was in my direct line of sight. I had an emotional Sunday. As I sat and watched him, he just had a smile on his face the entire program. I did not cry because I felt bad for him, I cried because no matter what life has thrown at him, he still has a smile on his face. I look up to the strength that those boys have or anyone for that matter that struggles with a disability.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAnH-l7HaEk

Oh the Promptings

Over the length of this week I have never felt the Spirit so strong in my entire life. I have had some promptings that I have tried to shake because I was scared and didn't know how to go about them. I did not want to upset anyone or make them feel angry with me. Finally last night it got to the point that I was forbidden sleep until I acted on the prompting. I am in no place to share the experience but I want to express my gratitude for this Gospel. I know that the things I shared last night were not my actual words. The Lord was working through me to help someone else in need. Whether it will make a difference in their life or not, it was a definite testimony builder to myself. I said things that I know I couldn't have made up by myself. All I wanted to do today was read conference talks, the ensign and watch Mormon Messages.

Earlier this week, a talk from general conference came to mind. This is horrible to admit but I remember very little from April's conference except for one talk in particular. It was the talk by Elder L Whitney Clayton titled "Marriage: Watch and Learn". I read this talk out loud to Jordan and was reminded of the blessing that I have to be married to him. I also sat back and realized that we both have things to work on. I definitely have more to work on because of my many flaws but nobody is perfect. No matter how many times we can read that talk and think that we have these principles down, we never will. A marriage is never perfect and a marriage is never easy. 

The five principles Elder Clayton speaks of are:

1. A priceless marriage

2. Faith

3. Repentence

4. Respect

5. Love

1. A priceless marriage: So many times we take things for granted. Having a priceless marriage to me means that no one else matters but me and my spouse. Yes, people can hurt us, hate us, talk bad about it, belittle us, not forgive us, underestimate us etc, but at the end of the day, Jordan (besides Reggie of course) is the only thing (besides what could be more important. If there is something, then you need to ask yourself why and what you need to do to put your spouse first. It reminds me of the MasterCard commercials...

Nice truck: $17,000

New phone: $299

Relaxing vacation: $1,000

Being married to your eternal companion: Priceless

2. Faith: I know that a marriage would not survive without faith. When things are hard, I know that I need to have faith to endure through the challenges and differences that Jordan and I have. We have to have faith in the Lord knowing that there is a plan for us and if we have faith and do what we should be doing, we will continue on the path to live and love each other for eternity. 

3. Repentance: Even for the little things such as eye rolling, snapping, and simply getting angry when the plate was put in the sink and not the dishwasher, we need to repent. Repentance to me always comes across so negative. I feel that if I have to repent it is something so horrible but it's not. When we repent it gives us the opportunity to ask for strength. It gives us the ability to ask for patience. If we continually ask for help, we should be able to reduce to amount of times we need to repent. 

4. Respect: When we respect each other, that means we are treating each other as equal partners. The most horrible thing we can do in a marriage is belittle one another. I will admit and my family can atest to this that I used to be disrespectful towards Jordan. I would talk him down in front of my family and it was 100% wrong. If anything, I should be talking highly and uplifting Jordan; not making him feel like he is worthless. If we continue to encourage, uplift, and praise one another not only in front of others but while we are alone, I know that we can continue to build on the love that we already have for one another.

5. Love: This word is self explanatory. We as spouses need to love each other with all our hearts. All women want in a marriage/relationship is for the man to love them and fight for them. Love each other as if no one else exists. Love each other as if there was no tomorrow because in this crazy world, there really could be no tomorrow. Too many times we get caught up in the real world and the negative things surrounding us that we tend to lose our focus on each other. The love never fades but the affection and attention can which makes a spouse insecure and question the love. Never get to a point that your spouse has to question love. Never go to bed without telling your spouse you love them. If you are having a disagreement, always no matter what, tell each other "I love you". When you wake up in the morning, you will wonder why you were so angry in the first place. Love is the most treasured.

What do these principles mean to you? Journal it, talk about it, pray about it.

Families can be together forever...

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/marriage-watch-and-learn?lang=eng

Bittersweet Moments

Well, I made it through my first two days back to work. I think I cried enough Monday and Tuesday that I did not cry much on Wednesday. I dropped Reggie off at Jacque's house and left as quick as I could. She asked how I was doing and I knew that if I stuck around I would break down.

I have the best co workers. They are what made coming back so much easier. When I got to work my desk had been sticky noted. There was a note on my screen that said, "Welcome back Kayla! We have missed..." And then every sticky note had something they missed about me. Some were priceless and definitely made me laugh. They also got me goodies to replenish my snack drawer since I am always snacking. As much as I want to just eat it all, I resist the temptation for now anyway (diets suck but it is so worth it). As much as I missed being with Reggie all day, I was glad to be back. No that doesn't mean I'm okay to stay full time or stay working forever but it definitely helps when I work for an amazing company and have the most amazing team.

I am so blessed at the fact that Reggie is in good hands. I love that I can just go home on my lunch break to snuggle him. Today when I went home, he was just cooing away, telling me about his day. Seriously, the best thing to come home to. I'm so grateful for all that I have and the blessing I have to go to work everyday. Yes, it's hard. I now have to worry about work, coming home to cook, clean, spend time with Reggie, run and do school. But right now, work is what I need to do and I know it will be worth it in the end when I can eventually spend all day with Reggie. The Lord has a hand in all things and for that I am grateful.

I love my family. Every single one of them.

I love my lunch breaks!!

Reggie Jordan Keller

Well, now that my whole pregnancy plus 11 weeks of Reggie's life has gone by, I guess I will blog. I am horrible at this just as I am horrible about writing in my journal which is more important. I always say I am going to get better too but I never do. So, I will just be me and blog when I blog.

Where to even start... Pregnancy sucked. The only awesome part about it was feeling Reggie move around inside of me and labor. Everything else about it was miserable. People have their own horror stories about labor but I was seriously so lucky. I'm never lucky either so I'm sure my next deliveries will be hell. But here is how it went down...

On Monday, May 13th, my due date, I was at work and just not feeling up to par. First of all, it was my due date for hell sakes and I was still at work and not having a baby! I was so sick of people making annoying comments about still being at work and looking like I should have been due weeks ago. Anyway, I wasn't feeling Reggie move much which was not normal. He was always so active during the day so it made me really nervous. Being this far along all I could think about was the umbilical cord and seriously no room in there for him. Around lunch time I told my boss I was going to go to the doctor just to check things out. My next weekly checkup was not until the next day. So I went to the doctor and they checked the heartbeat and ended up doing my checkup right then and there. Everything was normal and of course, nothing had changed for the last three weeks either. The doctor asked if I wanted to schedule an induction date but I was so indecisive he just told me to schedule one more weekly checkup and if I hadn't gone into labor he would have to induce me. I just kept hearing both sides about being induced I was so unsure about it and it totally stressed me out. I did a nonstress test while I was at the doctor as well and like I said, everything was normal. It took forever while I was there and I was so emotional so my boss told me I could just take off for the day and not go back to work. I was so grateful because I was such an emotional wreck. My boss was seriously so awesome through the whole thing. I can't even begin to describe how grateful I am for him and how much he actually cared for me, my well being and my feelings.

That night, Jordan and I talked about being induced and we had decided that we would call the doctor in the morning to get a day set. I started having pains Monday night but I didn't know if they were contractions or not. They weren't like people had described contractions so I had no idea. We tried timing them but they weren't consistent. I know now, they definitely weren't contractions. Anyway, just to be safe, Jordan took me up to labor and delivery and they hook me up to the machines again. I wasn't really having contractions and wasn't dilated much further so they sent me home. I did not want to start my maternity leave too early because I wanted as much time with Reggie as I could. But, Jordan and my mom both thought it would be best to just start my leave and not go back to work. I text my boss and told him what I had decided and he was fully supportive and agreed that it would be best not to come back. Thank goodness I made that decision.

I woke up Tuesday morning and took a long bath thinking that these days are going to drag being at home. Jordan decided the go ahead and take the day off as well because we need to get our yard ready. We were having sprinklers installed Tuesday night that Jordan was going to help with. Around 10:00, my contractions began. They were pretty far apart so I didn't get to excited. Around noon, Jordan and I went to get some lunch and run errands. By that time, they were about 10 minutes apart and quickly getting closer. Jordan went back to working outside and was getting so dirty with all the dirt flying around him. By about 1:30, I went outside and told him to get showered because we need to go. When 2:00 rolled around my contractions were so painful that I couldn't hold my tears back. Jordan's brother Derick came over and assisted Jordan in giving me a blessing and then we were off to the hospital. When we finally got there, my contractions were about 3 minutes apart. The nurse got me into a room, checked me, and said, "You definitely are not going anywhere because this is the real deal." Even though I was in so much pain, I was seriously so happy knowing that I would be holding a precious babe in a matter of hours.

The nurse was able to give me a pain reliever through my IV to get me through the contractions until I got my epidural. It didn't necessarily take away all of the pain but it made me tired and not really care much about them. At 4:00, Dr. Cox came and broke my water and told me he was going to go have dinner with his family and spend time with them and that he would be back. In my mind I was wondering why in the hell he was leaving me! I was in labor duh! But, now I totally understand and didn't blame him for leaving. Around 5:00 or so, the anesthesiologist gave me my epidural and it was heavenly. I have heard how horrible the epidural is but I was seriously almost sleeping through the whole thing. Once I got the epidural, I slept for the most part while Jordan and my mom watched my contractions go off the paper. The nurse would check me every so often to see how I have progressed and things were going pretty great. Finally around 9:15, the nurses had me push here and there to make the actual delivery go super smooth. At about 9:40ish, Dr. Cox and the staff were there and it was time.

Reggie arrived in my arms at 10:04 p.m. and it was the most amazing moments of my life. As I sit here and reminisce about it, I can't help but cry. He was perfect! As he was screaming in my arms, I did not know what to do so I just held him and watched as he screamed At that moment, the world stopped and all the mattered to me was Reggie. He weighed 7lbs 9oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. Perfect as can be!

We were blessed to have things go so smoothly that we were able to go home 24 hours later. How great it was to be in my own home with my family. There is nothing better. Reggie has been such an amazing baby so far. He has been gaining weight great, sleeping through the night, smiling, cooing and just being happy. Never in my entire life have I thought something could bring so much joy. Being a mom is tough but I would never talk negatively about it as I have heard from other people. It is the most rewarding experience.

I tell Jordan all the time how I can't believe we got so nervous about this and talked ourselves out of having a baby. I would always ask myself if I was really ready to give up my body, being able to just go out, and really being care free. We really didn't know what we were missing because it has been totally worth it. I feel bad for those who care too much about their vacationing and other material things because they have no idea what they are missing. I also cannot believe that some people don't believe in God. Being pregnant and having Reggie in my life has been such a testimony builder to me. I know that Heavenly Father has a hand in all things. I know that Reggie was waiting patiently for his time to come and that the Lord was counseling him up until the moment he came. I know that he is constantly watching over us. I can't believe how grateful I am.

I go back to work in a week and it is tough on me already. I have amazing people watching Reggie that I know he will be in good hands. I already can't wait for the day that I will be able to be with him all day again to watch him grow and teach him everything I know... and more of course. What an amazing summer this has been and I have many more to come.

I will just say how grateful I am to have family close. I was so grateful Derick was next door that he could run over and help give me a blessing. I am grateful my parents are so close as well that they can come over often. I always love having them here even though I know it is only to be with Reggie. :) However, I wish that Sammi and her family lived back in Idaho again. I hate having them so far away and wish everyday they were here. I am also grateful to have such an amazing boss. Like I said, he was so supportive from the get go and has been such a great friend as well.

Life is amazing! I couldn't be happier to have Reggie around. He brings so much joy and love into our home. Jordan is such an amazing dad and I love to just sit and watch him with Reggie. My heart is full!

Change in the Air...and Body

The word is out! Jordan and I are expecting our first bundle of joy around May 13th. We are so excited and already can not wait for the time to come to meet our little one.

On September 7, I was not sleeping very well so I ended up getting gout of bed about 4:30 and starting a bath. I wasn't feeling well and assumed it was just because I was nervous about selling the house and what to do next. I had a pregnancy test under my sick so I thought, what the heck. Well I got in the tub forgetting that I had even used the test, and just relaxed as much as I could. My mind was running a thousand miles a minute because of what we were doing later that day. I got out of the tub and saw the pregnancy test sitting on the counter. I looked at it as if it was nothing because we had been off protection for about 4 months. I saw the lines and had to check the box... Positive? I didn't know what to do. Do I wake Jordan up now or should I wait and tell him later? Well, I waited and I think that was the worst thing I could have done. I went to work that day and was just sick to my stomach. My nerves and excitement were just out of control that it was literally making me sick. I wanted so bad to just tell Jordan but there was no way I was just going to send him a text. So, at 4:30, we went and signed papers to sell our house. After getting home, we were ready to start packing so that we could get most everything moved through the weekend. I decided that before I said anything, I wanted to take one more test just to be sure. So, I took another test and it was positive. Jordan asked me, "Are you ready for this?" I played dumb and asked him what he was talking about. Of course he was talking about the house and moving. I simply said yes and then asked him the same question. He said yes he was but I asked the question again. I pulled the tests from behind my back and just looked at him. It took him a second but we both shared our excitement and how we couldn't really believe it. Then Jordan said how the Lord really does work in mysterious ways. The timing of how things have happened couldn't really have been better. I mean, in some sense, they could have been better since I have been so sick and having to be sick while living at my in laws sucks. But we will be in a new home and have a new little one to love to pieces. We are excited to find out the sex and be able to decorate the baby's room from scratch. 

It's been amazing seeing the difference it has already made. I can tell already that Jordan is going to be an amazing father who will constantly love his family and do all he can for us. I'm so grateful that he has been by my side through thick and thin. With being sick and dealing with other things in my life, he has been right there to bring my soup, wipe my tears, and just let me know how much he loves me. So grateful that we have each other and taking this journey together. I really couldn't ask for a better person.