My True Hero of Strength

Last week was a very eye opening week for me. I have always known that I should not take life for granted and make the best of every situation but that doesn't always seem easy when you are in the heat of a moment. But as of last week, I will always take a step back and look at all my blessings before getting angry about something; most likely the littlest of things set me off.

My friend Jessie was diagnosed with gastric cancer last year and kicked it's ass. She went through chemo and just a few months ago she was told the fantastic news that she was cancer free. Later she then started struggling keeping food down and some other things I believe. She went back to the doctor and had some tests ran. They let her know that her scans and X-rays look good but thought maybe there was scar tissue build up causing these issues. She went in for surgery the second time only to have some scar tissue repaired. When the doctors went in for surgery they were not expecting to see what they saw. When Jessie was starting to wake up a little more a couple days later, she wasn't expecting to hear what she heard. The cancer has returned and was not caught in time. I went and visited her yesterday at home and what she told me I will not be able to get out of my mind. I didn't know what to say and all I wanted to do was break down in front of her but I knew that was probably the last thing she wanted to see.

Here is the thing about Jessie and I's relationship. She was my absolute best friend growing up. She lived just a few yards away from me and we would play at each other's houses, meet up halfway at the "haunted house", stuff our bras with water balloons, play kiss tag with boys at school, and everything else you would do with your best friend. As we got to high school, we started hanging out with different groups but always continued to have good times when we played softball together and occasionally got together. Then as we graduated, she went away to Twin Falls and I stayed in Pocatello. I still hung out with her a couple times but it isn't the friendship we used to have. People change, get busy in their lives, find new friends, but I have come to realize that no matter what path we are in our lives, nothing will ever change the fact that Jessie is and always will be one of my best friends.

I have many heroes in my life but I can truly say that Jessie is my biggest hero. She is a fighter and I know she will continue to fight as I will continue to be a support for her as much as possible. I admire her continued faith in God and the fact that I know everyone including herself prays for a miracle. God has a plan for us all and I know He knew that Jessie was strong enough to fight this battle. I believe that through this, she is changing peoples lives and has already been an inspiration to many including myself. Thank you Jessie for being my hero and true inspiration. I love you forever!

Lucky Number 7

Since January 1st I have completed five classes. My term started in October and from October to January, I only completed one class but was studying for a science class during those months. So, when the new year hit I decided I was going to really push myself to get classes done and I have been doing just that. It is not even the end of January and I have completed those five classes. Some have taken me a week, some have taken me two, and some have taken me about a month to study but I have done it. I am feeling so accomplished and motivated lately that it makes me want to just keep going. The next few classes are going to be tough but I know I can do it. My term ends on March 31st and I plan on completing three more classes. I am currently working on an accounting and finance class that will have  two tasks to them. There is also another accounting and finance/IT class that I will take a test to pass. If I can get those two out of the way, I will be super excited. The third class I am looking to accomplish is a marketing and business communications class. Reviews have said that it is pretty tough, but I think I can do it. I have about a month and a half to get these classes completed or at least get the tasks submitted and tests scheduled. They make you schedule them at least by the 15th of the month prior to the end of the term. I hope to have them scheduled by the beginning of March so that I can have enough time to retake them if I need to.

It feels so good knowing that I am getting so close. I love knocking a class out because it makes me that much close and more motivated to just keep going. I told Jordan to get ready for a vacation because we are planning one when I get done.

I Can See the Light: Faint, Tiny, Speck of a Light

Now that I have Reggie, I tend to revert all my thoughts and posts back to him. I want to say I am sorry but I'm not. As I sit here late at night, home alone with Reggie, I am tired. I am tired because I worked all day, came home and played with Reggie until it was time to put him to bed, and since then, I have been doing school. But it is okay that I am tired. It is okay, because the more I study, the sooner I will be done. When I think about finishing school this year, a little bit of stress is lifted off my shoulders. The more I think about finishing, the more I think about my free nights to be care free (not teenager carefree cause that doesn't exist anymore) but carefree in the sense that I can come home, cook dinner (or go buy dinner), play with Reggie, watch a TV show, workout, read a book and know that I do not have to study for a test or worry about a paper. I am ready for that. 

I am currently going to school at Western Governor's University and what a blessing it has been. Each semester is 6 months long and you have to take a minimum of 12CU's (most universities just call them credits). You pay your tuition for the semester and you have the full 6 months to get those 12 CU's done. The most incredible part though is that you can add additional classes to that same semester without paying a penny more. I have not been super successful in this because of all the things that have been going on in my life since I started with Western Governors last fall but since the new year, things are different. A fire started within me that has really got me going. I have one class left to complete my 12CU's for the semester which ends March 31st. Yeah, I should have had it done weeks ago but my first two classes were science and I loathe science. My performance assessment was cake so that was completed within the first two weeks of the semester. The objective assessment was the absolute hardest worst class ever. Every science possible was combined into this one class; earth science, biology, chemistry, physics, astronomy, geology etc. And yes, you had to know what things belonged with what, what was a joule, etc etc. Annoying to say the least. But I am done with science forever and I am FOREVER grateful. 

Just to sidetrack: a little bit about the performance and objective assessments; Each class is either a performance assessment or objective assessment. If the class is a performance assessment then it includes a project/paper of some sort. Most of them are just papers which could have just one task or five tasks for that class. You have as long as you want to get it done. You then submit those tasks(papers) and if they pass, then you are done with the class. Just like that. But if there is something wrong with the tasks, then the graders send it back and ask you to change what was wrong. You don't have to redo the paper, just change the mistakes. Once you have done so, you submit it again. If there are more errors, it gets sent back and you just keep fixing mistakes and submitting until you pass. There is no failing at WGU. The objective assessments are tests. If a class is an objective assessment class, then you just study your heart out, take the pre-assessment and if you pass, schedule the test. There are no weekly assignments, quizzes, tests…nothing. If you are ready, take the test. If you pass… you are done with the class. 

I have failed over half of my objective assessments but passed them the second time around. You have up to three free tries until you have to start paying. But, you go until you pass. If you keep failing, you get help from course mentors. People are there to help. They want you to gain a knowledge and not base your education off of just assignments, tests, passing and failing. They want you to pass and they want you to understand. 

My next class I have to complete for the end of the semester is an Econ class which is an objective assessment. I took the pre-assessment before starting the class to see what my knowledge was like before diving in head first. Yeah, I definitely need to study. While I have been studying and during slow times at work, I have been working ahead. I have another ECON class that is a performance assessment. I had to have my mentor add that class to my semester because I completed the four tasks which were four papers within three days. Three days! That means for the first time in three semesters, I will be getting more classes done then just the minimum. 

Right now, my brain is hurting from my Quantitative Analysis for Business tasks I am working on. (Sidenote: If anyone is good at probability, business statistics and all the gross stuff, let me know! I could use your help) Which is why I am now sitting here letting my fingers type and mind unwind. When I look up from my computer, I can see the baby monitor and Reggie's cute little face sleeping like an angel. He is my motivation to keep going. He is the reason why I want to finish this year instead of my projected 2016. The amazing part about this whole thing, WGU let's me do that. It is up to me and my dedication and commitment to finish. My brother-in-law worked graveyards, slept three to four hours a day, watched his three kids, detailed cars, and managed to finish I wanna say 92 CU's in one year. If he can do it, so can I! I have about nine classes left and I am starting to see a light. It's not a big light and actually a very tiny one at that, but I can see it. I can see it because my motivation has kicked into high gear. 

What an awesome opportunity we have to get an education to better ourselves, our future, our families etc. I am excited to finish. I am excited to be able to tell Reggie that I stuck with it. That I am the only one in my family that got their degree. I am excited to give all my school time that I spent, directly to my family. I am excited for tomorrow. 

New Year to Start Now

I would have to say that 2013 was the best year yet. Along with the challenges there brought great blessings.

Reggie has by far been the greatest joy and blessing to Jordan and I. It has made us learn more about each other, love each other more and appreciate the life that we have. Working full time, feeding my family, going to school, working out, and spending time with my family is not easy. But at the end of the day when I kiss my boys goodnight, I am indeed grateful for the life that I have been given. 

I am grateful for a husband who loves me even at my worst; which is a lot of the time it seems. I am also grateful for the father he is to Reggie. It is so fun seeing the changes in Reggie and the fact that he is getting to an age to play. The highlight in my day is seeing Jordan push Reggie around on his new motorcycle that Santa brought him.  There is so much joy on both of their faces that it is priceless. I am also grateful for the handy and talented man that Jordan is as well. We have a beautiful home that means the world to me for the fact that Jordan has put many hours of work into finishing our house. He was able to make our entertainment center downstairs, build shelves for the storage room, work bench in his garage and much more. Not to mention all the finish work he did to make the house complete.  

I am eternally grateful for the gift Heavenly Father sent us on May 14th. When I am burnt out with school and stressed to the max, I sit back and think of the joy that Reggie brings to my life. We could have waited to have kids so that I could finish school or travel the world but we chose this life. We chose to have a baby and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I couldn't imagine my life without Reggie in it.  He is 7 1/2 months old and so close to crawling. He is such a busy body and can never sit still. He doesn't like to miss out on anything so he has a hard time settling down or going to sleep when people are around. He jabbers a lot and says dada but we all know he doesn't know what that means. If he knew, he would be saying mama. Just kidding. He loves his dad very much. 

I am also grateful for my family. What a blessing they are to me as well. I have the best parents in the world who help me more than they know. I love that I can call out to them for any advice, humor or simply just love. They love watching Reggie and I love that about them. I love my brother and sister so much and wish many great blessings to them this year, they have been great friends to me and are always there. Which bring me to another blessing in my life. I am grateful for Lindsey. She has always been the one friend I can turn to and rely on. She is one of those true friends that are hard to find and I am glad I have her in my life. 

I am still working at Idaho Central and I am grateful for that. It has been such a great job for me and I love what I do. I have great co-workers and a great boss. Idaho Central is a great company to work for so it has been a blessing. As much as I would love to spend my days with Reggie, I am content with my job until the day comes to stay home. I like the fact that I contribute to the family and it boosts my self-esteem when I have good commission months. It drives me to be better at what I do. I am looking forward to what the future will hold. Focusing on one thing at a time, we will see what the future holds once I am finished with school. 

In 2014, may we all learn to let go of the past and live in the present. We can't change the things that have happened but we can learn from them.  Life is too short to hate those that have wronged you. We all witnessed tragedies in 2013 where loved ones left us too early. It's better to live our lives filled with love then to live our lives with hate and regret. Forgive, forget and live on. May our 2014 resolution be to show respect to everyone no matter who they are or what they've done. We have no idea what they are going through. 

Happy New Year!!

In With Good, Out With Bad

Governor C.L. “Butch” Otter issued the following statement today regarding the recent vandalism of Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints buildings in Chubbuck.

“Defiling or defacing houses of worship – of any faith or denomination – is an attack not just on religious beliefs or even our law, but also on our culture and our values. It disturbs the sanctuaries of our spiritual well-being. These are not merely the acts of misguided individuals. They speak to a more fundamental disregard for sacred places, social order and the freedoms that generations of Americans have sacrificed to protect.” 

Over the past couple of weeks we have witnessed one of the most incredible acts of kindness and yet one the most disrespectful acts. I have seen vandalism before but this time around, I was angry. I could not let go of the anger I had for the cowards that defaced and vandalized my church, my stake center and another stake center in the area.

I am angry for a few reasons. 1. I am angry because vandalizing property especially a place of worship is just wrong. It is wrong in the fact that this coward is either a member of the church and is angry for something he brought on himself or he is just someone who has been offended by someone who happens to be a member of the church. He is not just taking it out on one person, he has to take it out on the whole church. If he is a member of the church and he is angry with us for something WE did. When people are angry with the church, most of the time it is because they did something that resulted in discipline which could be something as lightly as repenting yourself or it could go as far as being excommunicated from the church. YOU make your own decisions and YOU decide the path that you will take. It is not the churches fault if you make wrong decisions that put you in a bad place. If this coward is not a member of the church and they are doing this people they have been offended, shame on you. You are letting one person determine your entire perspective on the Mormon church. 2. I am also angry because this puts on the wrong message to those who are not members. It makes them ask the questions "What did they really do to make this happen" or "Why would someone go this far"?

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has over 15,000,000 members of the church in the entire world. If you think about it, that's not THAT many compared to the 7 billion in the world. BUT, our religion is out there. We have over 80,000 missionaries, 141 temples, 4 universities/colleges and people know about us. They know that we judge and that is what we do. Anytime someone associates with a Mormon and are offended by something they say, all Mormons are bad because all we do is judge. What people don't understand is that everyone in the world whether they are Mormon, Luthern, Catholic, Atheist, etc. we all judge. Do we judge on purpose because we know you are not Mormon and that is what we want to do? No, I can guarantee anyone reading this cannot sit there and say they have never judged in their life. In fact, I judged the coward who defaced our church. I made assumptions as to why someone would be so angry to vandalize property. I judge because I am not perfect. No mormon is perfect. Our Prophet, Thomas S Monson, is not perfect. He may be close to the Lord but he too makes mistakes. We all make mistakes. It is unfortunate that people feel this way.

I grew up with the most amazing group of friends I could ever ask for. They were all such good examples to me and we had fun. We had fun when we were just being stupid. We had fun hanging out and doing nothing. Does the fact that we were mormon have an advantage? Maybe. But the thing about it is, not all of my friends are mormon. I would not have had it any other way either. These friends are GREAT people. They new how to have fun and they didn't let our religion play a role in our friendship. The thing that breaks my heart, we never forced or encouraged mormonism on these friends and once high school was over, I heard that they hated Mormons because they have been judged. How were you judged? Were you judged because you weren't a mormon or did someone judge you in another way? The common misconception is that we judge people because they aren't Mormon. I will be honest, there are Mormons who think they are perfect and do judge other because they are not perfect. Well Mormon or not, I too hate those who think they are perfect. I also think that Facebook and Instragram gets misinterpreted. People can post everything about their life and make it seem like they are just perfect and happy but deep down, it is not even close to that. They may have just posted a picture of their husband but the day before that, they were yelling at each other. Everything is just a misconception. We are read the wrong way and because of that, the Mormon religion and people are bad people.

It's just like the Provo "Mormon" doctor that was found guilty last week of murdering his wife a few years ago. The fact that he is a Mormon, the media of the case just escalated because we are supposed to be perfect. Well, I hate to tell you that there are bad people out there. It has nothing to do with their title or religion. It has everything to do with who they are as a person. You don't see newscasters putting Catholic at the beginning of a trial for someone killing their wife or because they are running for President. People judge us as Mormons because we are held to a higher standard.

One of our main focuses are about families. We are all about family and togetherness. Who doesn't want their family to be their main focus. Even if you have no interest in joining the church, do a little research of what we are about before you judge us. If you have been judged by someone who is a member of the church, don't assume the religion teaches us to be that way or that all mormons are that way because we aren't. Do we judge? Yes. Do we purposely judge nonmembers? No. If I have ever judge anyone in one way or another, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. It is never my intention to hurt someone or attack someone because of what they believe.

I will say this though, after having Reggie, I am grateful for eternal families. I love Jordan more than anything but now that I have Reggie, my whole perspective on life has changed. I want more than anything for Reggie to live a great life and for him to be happy. More than anything, I want to be with my family for eternity. I am grateful for the church and do have a testimony of it. I believe that Jesus Christ atoned for my sins. I also believe that our Heavenly Father loves every one of us no matter who we are and what we believe. As long as we can believe in Him and know that he wants nothing but happiness for us, nothing else matters. He wants us to return to him.

I love my friends and family and everyone I have had the chance to come in contact with...

That being said, I live in a great neighborhood. I wish so much I could have been apart of the light extravaganza last weekend but it has been awesome to see this go viral.

The Long family has four children. Their oldest is on a mission and their second oldest in in college. Their two younger boys are 15 and 10 I believe. They both have the disease called muscular dystrophy. This is a disease in which muscles damage easily and weaken which eventually confines one to a wheelchair. Those with this disease also have trouble breathing and swallowing as well. Konner, the 15-year-old, asked his dad if they could have Christmas lights this year. They had the lights do to it but before they could, the neighborhood banded together to deck their house out in Christmas lights. Watch the video below.

We had our primary program last week. Those children just have sweet little spirits and to listen to the shout the primary songs, just brought a warm feeling to my heart. The younger Long boy, Jaxson, was in my direct line of sight. I had an emotional Sunday. As I sat and watched him, he just had a smile on his face the entire program. I did not cry because I felt bad for him, I cried because no matter what life has thrown at him, he still has a smile on his face. I look up to the strength that those boys have or anyone for that matter that struggles with a disability.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAnH-l7HaEk

Oh the Promptings

Over the length of this week I have never felt the Spirit so strong in my entire life. I have had some promptings that I have tried to shake because I was scared and didn't know how to go about them. I did not want to upset anyone or make them feel angry with me. Finally last night it got to the point that I was forbidden sleep until I acted on the prompting. I am in no place to share the experience but I want to express my gratitude for this Gospel. I know that the things I shared last night were not my actual words. The Lord was working through me to help someone else in need. Whether it will make a difference in their life or not, it was a definite testimony builder to myself. I said things that I know I couldn't have made up by myself. All I wanted to do today was read conference talks, the ensign and watch Mormon Messages.

Earlier this week, a talk from general conference came to mind. This is horrible to admit but I remember very little from April's conference except for one talk in particular. It was the talk by Elder L Whitney Clayton titled "Marriage: Watch and Learn". I read this talk out loud to Jordan and was reminded of the blessing that I have to be married to him. I also sat back and realized that we both have things to work on. I definitely have more to work on because of my many flaws but nobody is perfect. No matter how many times we can read that talk and think that we have these principles down, we never will. A marriage is never perfect and a marriage is never easy. 

The five principles Elder Clayton speaks of are:

1. A priceless marriage

2. Faith

3. Repentence

4. Respect

5. Love

1. A priceless marriage: So many times we take things for granted. Having a priceless marriage to me means that no one else matters but me and my spouse. Yes, people can hurt us, hate us, talk bad about it, belittle us, not forgive us, underestimate us etc, but at the end of the day, Jordan (besides Reggie of course) is the only thing (besides what could be more important. If there is something, then you need to ask yourself why and what you need to do to put your spouse first. It reminds me of the MasterCard commercials...

Nice truck: $17,000

New phone: $299

Relaxing vacation: $1,000

Being married to your eternal companion: Priceless

2. Faith: I know that a marriage would not survive without faith. When things are hard, I know that I need to have faith to endure through the challenges and differences that Jordan and I have. We have to have faith in the Lord knowing that there is a plan for us and if we have faith and do what we should be doing, we will continue on the path to live and love each other for eternity. 

3. Repentance: Even for the little things such as eye rolling, snapping, and simply getting angry when the plate was put in the sink and not the dishwasher, we need to repent. Repentance to me always comes across so negative. I feel that if I have to repent it is something so horrible but it's not. When we repent it gives us the opportunity to ask for strength. It gives us the ability to ask for patience. If we continually ask for help, we should be able to reduce to amount of times we need to repent. 

4. Respect: When we respect each other, that means we are treating each other as equal partners. The most horrible thing we can do in a marriage is belittle one another. I will admit and my family can atest to this that I used to be disrespectful towards Jordan. I would talk him down in front of my family and it was 100% wrong. If anything, I should be talking highly and uplifting Jordan; not making him feel like he is worthless. If we continue to encourage, uplift, and praise one another not only in front of others but while we are alone, I know that we can continue to build on the love that we already have for one another.

5. Love: This word is self explanatory. We as spouses need to love each other with all our hearts. All women want in a marriage/relationship is for the man to love them and fight for them. Love each other as if no one else exists. Love each other as if there was no tomorrow because in this crazy world, there really could be no tomorrow. Too many times we get caught up in the real world and the negative things surrounding us that we tend to lose our focus on each other. The love never fades but the affection and attention can which makes a spouse insecure and question the love. Never get to a point that your spouse has to question love. Never go to bed without telling your spouse you love them. If you are having a disagreement, always no matter what, tell each other "I love you". When you wake up in the morning, you will wonder why you were so angry in the first place. Love is the most treasured.

What do these principles mean to you? Journal it, talk about it, pray about it.

Families can be together forever...

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/marriage-watch-and-learn?lang=eng

Bittersweet Moments

Well, I made it through my first two days back to work. I think I cried enough Monday and Tuesday that I did not cry much on Wednesday. I dropped Reggie off at Jacque's house and left as quick as I could. She asked how I was doing and I knew that if I stuck around I would break down.

I have the best co workers. They are what made coming back so much easier. When I got to work my desk had been sticky noted. There was a note on my screen that said, "Welcome back Kayla! We have missed..." And then every sticky note had something they missed about me. Some were priceless and definitely made me laugh. They also got me goodies to replenish my snack drawer since I am always snacking. As much as I want to just eat it all, I resist the temptation for now anyway (diets suck but it is so worth it). As much as I missed being with Reggie all day, I was glad to be back. No that doesn't mean I'm okay to stay full time or stay working forever but it definitely helps when I work for an amazing company and have the most amazing team.

I am so blessed at the fact that Reggie is in good hands. I love that I can just go home on my lunch break to snuggle him. Today when I went home, he was just cooing away, telling me about his day. Seriously, the best thing to come home to. I'm so grateful for all that I have and the blessing I have to go to work everyday. Yes, it's hard. I now have to worry about work, coming home to cook, clean, spend time with Reggie, run and do school. But right now, work is what I need to do and I know it will be worth it in the end when I can eventually spend all day with Reggie. The Lord has a hand in all things and for that I am grateful.

I love my family. Every single one of them.

I love my lunch breaks!!